agora fui comer uma laranja, porque nas fotos do benfica eu tou gordo
- gordo? gordo
e o sistema nervoso ao que parece obriga o digestivo a assimilar tudo quando em estado de desespero nutricional. e então a laranja parece-me anociva o suficiente pra ser integralmente chupada pelo fídago
- fídago? fígado, caralho, tou no gozo
não sai água da torneira quando vou a lavar as mãos. não me posso apresentar ao trabalho nestas condições; decido unanimamente que hoje tou de folga estética. mas ainda tenho sumo de laranja ressequido nas mãos, nada me pode salvar deste desaire higiénico. o meu teclado genius preto tá meio cor de laranja com particular incidência no a, o e espaço. o shift tá limpinho.
limpinho? preto
há uma questão maior aqui, a questão da normalização cerebral de estímulos.
- normalização? estímulos exóticos, precisamos de estímulos exóticos para apreciar acontecimentos - isto deve ser útil prá vida
eu nasci em 1983 e talvez excluindo os primeiros espasmos proto-emocionais upon contacto com a água nunca me ocorreu celebrar a água. assumindo a posição dum gajo que nasceu e teve 50 anos num quarto escuro a ser alimentado por um tubo, a primeira merda de interesse na terra a temperaturas positivas seria a água. uma substância 100% maleável, de comportamento susceptível a qualquer força de menor intensidade, completamente transparente e que basicamente quando friccionada contra a nossa pele, magicamente limpa a maioria das impurezas.
mas isto não é novidade, damos tudo por garantido até nos faltar. porque precisamos de estímulos exóticos, o nosso sistema sensorial normaliza sensações rotineiras e em consequência o neuronal caga na cena, não há necessidade de segregar hormonas para esta merda que vemos todos os dias.
- todos os dias? água, o nosso amor, família e um universo de informação escondido nestes electrocabos globais - por isto que o amor é tão complicado, pelas expectativas que criamos sobre nós próprios de sentir amor puro (?) do início ao fim da relação.
sem esta normalização nunca teriamos ido à lua (como o amor puro um ?) nem descoberto a energia nuclear
energia nuclear? ya é big in japan
é talvez o que nos guie à inovação, ao desafio e consequente progresso como espécie - bem pensado elohim (lembras-te daquela expressão *não me faz espécie*).
e depois das necessidades primárias de fome e conforto/segurança talvez todos choremos por dentro porque não estamos educados sobre a importância de combater o lancinante aborrecimento quotidiano. ao invés somos educados para não resistir e tratá-lo como uma inevitabilidade inerente a 75% da vida humana. habituamo-nos a conviver neste apocalipse existencial da idade adulta por assimilação social e que se foda. pena.
não tem de ser assim pedro, diz qualquer merda daqui a 12 anos, se existires.
hall of fame #128 - o complexo mundo da feminolescência
Pedro Campos commented on Fábio Saldanha's photo.
15 hours ago
Pedro Campos E com esta foto que papas gajas..?16 March at 23:45
Dayana Fernandes Amigo ... aqui não vai papar nada! Só caí quem quer.. Paredes ásperas tbm existem mtas ;)15 hours ago
hall of fame #127 - boiling point
Caro BancoMail,
há um semestre atrás foi me "disponibilizado" um novo cartão associado ao sistema de pagamento electrónico global conhecido como Maestro. Previamente, tiveram a amabilidade de me brindar com uma sequência de 9 vias dum cartão VISA a troco acumulado de 180 euros + 90 para taxas de cancelamento. O VISA, pese o elevado custo de produção decorrente da raridade da resina plástica, costumava se poder integrar num sistema nacional paralelo de pagamento online conhecido como MBNet.
Acontece que presentemente, cada vez que tenho a intenção de proceder a um pagamento online, tento infrutiferamente ligar o meu novo cartão ao sistema MBNet através deste mesmo BancoSite, apenas para repetidamente me cruzar com a seguinte meta mensagem:
"CARTAO INDICADO NAO ADERENTE AO SERVICO MBNET
page=/secure/25/2565_1.jhtml, code=103(0-900-111)"
Por outro lado, tentando utilizar os detalhes do próprio cartão como dados de pagamento resulta em mensagens igualmente crípticas, mas noutros sites e idiomas.
Acontece que, caso não encontre solução para este problema, ficarei retido para todo o sempre no estrangeiro sem poder visitar familiares e amigos em território nacional, já que não consigo efectuar pagamentos a companhias aéreas de baixo custo nestes moldes.
Escrevo-lhe então caro BancoMail, com a confiança de que exista uma solução técnica prevista para este problema, ou pelo menos uma solução esotérica, qualquer coisa que funcione e justifique remotamente os 6€ mensais fora as 130 taxas de 10 cêntimos que cega e complacentemente dedico com regularidade mensal a esta nobre instituição.
Seguramente - quero crer -, não os pago somente para manterem uma série de bits a indicar o meu crédito imaginário. Nesse caso tragicómico teria naturalmente que repensar a relevância de manter dinheiro neste banco.
Aguardo ansiosamente resposta.
Com os melhores cumprimentos,
Pedro Campos
há um semestre atrás foi me "disponibilizado" um novo cartão associado ao sistema de pagamento electrónico global conhecido como Maestro. Previamente, tiveram a amabilidade de me brindar com uma sequência de 9 vias dum cartão VISA a troco acumulado de 180 euros + 90 para taxas de cancelamento. O VISA, pese o elevado custo de produção decorrente da raridade da resina plástica, costumava se poder integrar num sistema nacional paralelo de pagamento online conhecido como MBNet.
Acontece que presentemente, cada vez que tenho a intenção de proceder a um pagamento online, tento infrutiferamente ligar o meu novo cartão ao sistema MBNet através deste mesmo BancoSite, apenas para repetidamente me cruzar com a seguinte meta mensagem:
"CARTAO INDICADO NAO ADERENTE AO SERVICO MBNET
page=/secure/25/2565_1.jhtml, code=103(0-900-111)"
Por outro lado, tentando utilizar os detalhes do próprio cartão como dados de pagamento resulta em mensagens igualmente crípticas, mas noutros sites e idiomas.
Acontece que, caso não encontre solução para este problema, ficarei retido para todo o sempre no estrangeiro sem poder visitar familiares e amigos em território nacional, já que não consigo efectuar pagamentos a companhias aéreas de baixo custo nestes moldes.
Escrevo-lhe então caro BancoMail, com a confiança de que exista uma solução técnica prevista para este problema, ou pelo menos uma solução esotérica, qualquer coisa que funcione e justifique remotamente os 6€ mensais fora as 130 taxas de 10 cêntimos que cega e complacentemente dedico com regularidade mensal a esta nobre instituição.
Seguramente - quero crer -, não os pago somente para manterem uma série de bits a indicar o meu crédito imaginário. Nesse caso tragicómico teria naturalmente que repensar a relevância de manter dinheiro neste banco.
Aguardo ansiosamente resposta.
Com os melhores cumprimentos,
Pedro Campos
hall of fame #126 - marcasmo
Los rojiblancos, hartos de Ronaldo
No gustó la jugada en la que CR7 se puso a hacer toques con el balón en el aire · El portugués ya irritó a los de Quique con la 'espaldinha' del Bernabéu en Copa
nachopc #462valorado como el 56º mejor 21.mar.2011 | 09:36Última hora de la federación. De hoy hasta final de temporada y sucesivas se hace saber: -- Prohibida cualquier exibición de futbol en el manzanares, para eso está el circo. -- A los porteros no se les permite más de 3 paradas normales o una parada espectacular. Lo demás es abusar. -- Que los entrenadores lleven solo jugadores feos y nada mediáticos, para guapos solo los de casa. -- Espaldinhas, toques, pases en profundidad, recortes, goles de falta, más de 2 regates por jugada, palomitas y demás "chulerías" se penalizarán con tarjeta verde (una roja y una amarilla). A ver si se piensan que los jugadores locales están para ver esas tonterías. -- Si aún así gana el visitante, obligatorio pedir mil perdones en rueda de prensa y decir que fue un resultado injusto y la afición la mejor de España. Fin del comunicado
No gustó la jugada en la que CR7 se puso a hacer toques con el balón en el aire · El portugués ya irritó a los de Quique con la 'espaldinha' del Bernabéu en Copa
nachopc hall of fame #125 - faye't ao bife
Costa: what is the name of Pedro's girlfriend that was starring in the Karate kid?
Pedro: what
Pedro: what
Costa: Faye Danielson
hall of fame #124 - hambíguo
Costa: What's the name of the Spanish ham in egypt?
Pedro: what
Costa: tutanjamon
Pedro: what
Costa: tutanjamon
confusio #218 - sitegayst
eish reparei há bocado que tenho o caralho alinhado com mercúrio; isto ganha contornos catastróficos se tivermos em conta que: pedro tem 5 letras, japão também, e se somarmos o valor numérico de todas as letras em "caralho do pedro" = 3 + 1 + 17 +1 + 11 + 8 + 14 + 4 + 14 + 15 + 5 + 4 + 17 + 14 = 128 sendo que 1+2+8 = 11 (de março de '11), temos o dia do terramoto do japão.
para além disso a lua tá à distância mais perto do mundo do mundo esta noite como se sabe e lua tem 3 letras em português, mas 4 em ingles ou alemão pelo que tudo isto pode ter diversos significados numéricos válidos numa variedade de línguas mas geralmente é aceite que inglês deverá ser a língua canónica para previsões numerológicas ou então uma antiga convencionada medular, como aramaico ou latim. sendo assim lua tem 4 letras em ingles assim como cócó tem 4 letras em inglês. daqui percebemos que a lua é feita de merda, o que explica que civilizações ancestrais como os maias ou turcos de berlim tivessem nomes sugestivos para o nosso astropet. Com efeito, Pacal II baptizou a bola de rocha e ferro como Q'tretzi'pac, personificando-a como uma deusa que dormia com todos os astros, em suma uma porca do caralho, ou uma "puta de merda" implicitamente sugerindo que a lua era feita de merda como agora a numerologia em ingles pode inequivocamente confirmar.
o que é que isto tudo significa para o futuro do mundo? é preciso primeiro decifrar o que nos dizem os números da data de amanhã: 19 de março de 2011 = 19/3/2011 = 19+3+2011=2033. à primeira vista pode parecer que o número revela um ano mas após cuidadosa análise torna-se mais vísivel a hipótese coordenadas geográficas. Assim 2033 deve ser ler coordenada 20, 33 ou seja 20N 33E o que nos aponta para as imediações de luxor no egípcio. todos nós sabemos o que se tem passado com os egiptos e então fica provada uma ligação entre os tumultos no cairo e o terramoto no japão - são os números que o dizem não eu (e a matemática não mente). por outras palavras agarrem-se aos lugares, haverá um terramoto de 12 meses no jampão ja a comecar amanha.
Como se viu antes, a data de amanha liga luxor ao japao e a unica hipotese que tou a ver é que o japao seja projectado pelo terramoto para o ar e percorra 6000 km em trajectoria parabolica ate luxor, aterrando à porta do templo. Será coincidencia que um povo tecnologicamente superior a qualquer um dos actuais tenha feito um templo no meio do deserto, sem nada à volta? É questao de fazer as contas: 4+4=8. Nao. Tirem-se as ilacoes apropriadas desta ultima demonstracao: os egipcios planearam, em 5ooo BC, forma de conquistar o japao sem recurso a intervencao militar: lembram-se disto? "se maome nao vai à montanha..." - e agora, donde era maome? coincidências...
quer se queira abrir os olhos ou nao, é esta a simples verdade dos factos.
para além disso a lua tá à distância mais perto do mundo do mundo esta noite como se sabe e lua tem 3 letras em português, mas 4 em ingles ou alemão pelo que tudo isto pode ter diversos significados numéricos válidos numa variedade de línguas mas geralmente é aceite que inglês deverá ser a língua canónica para previsões numerológicas ou então uma antiga convencionada medular, como aramaico ou latim. sendo assim lua tem 4 letras em ingles assim como cócó tem 4 letras em inglês. daqui percebemos que a lua é feita de merda, o que explica que civilizações ancestrais como os maias ou turcos de berlim tivessem nomes sugestivos para o nosso astropet. Com efeito, Pacal II baptizou a bola de rocha e ferro como Q'tretzi'pac, personificando-a como uma deusa que dormia com todos os astros, em suma uma porca do caralho, ou uma "puta de merda" implicitamente sugerindo que a lua era feita de merda como agora a numerologia em ingles pode inequivocamente confirmar.
o que é que isto tudo significa para o futuro do mundo? é preciso primeiro decifrar o que nos dizem os números da data de amanhã: 19 de março de 2011 = 19/3/2011 = 19+3+2011=2033. à primeira vista pode parecer que o número revela um ano mas após cuidadosa análise torna-se mais vísivel a hipótese coordenadas geográficas. Assim 2033 deve ser ler coordenada 20, 33 ou seja 20N 33E o que nos aponta para as imediações de luxor no egípcio. todos nós sabemos o que se tem passado com os egiptos e então fica provada uma ligação entre os tumultos no cairo e o terramoto no japão - são os números que o dizem não eu (e a matemática não mente). por outras palavras agarrem-se aos lugares, haverá um terramoto de 12 meses no jampão ja a comecar amanha.
Como se viu antes, a data de amanha liga luxor ao japao e a unica hipotese que tou a ver é que o japao seja projectado pelo terramoto para o ar e percorra 6000 km em trajectoria parabolica ate luxor, aterrando à porta do templo. Será coincidencia que um povo tecnologicamente superior a qualquer um dos actuais tenha feito um templo no meio do deserto, sem nada à volta? É questao de fazer as contas: 4+4=8. Nao. Tirem-se as ilacoes apropriadas desta ultima demonstracao: os egipcios planearam, em 5ooo BC, forma de conquistar o japao sem recurso a intervencao militar: lembram-se disto? "se maome nao vai à montanha..." - e agora, donde era maome? coincidências...
quer se queira abrir os olhos ou nao, é esta a simples verdade dos factos.
hall of fame #123 - como deve de ser
Ok, you are gonna love me!!! i'm gonna lend you my appart! You and your two friends! I' ll sleep over to a friends appartement!
So you will have to be clean and respect full!
Tell me when you arrive, we can have diner at my place, then, their are many bars next to it, so you can party all night with your friends! Just DON'T bring over other drunk people that you meet, i'll be VERY mad!!
I hope you are happy :) let me know you flight arrival, i'll tell you how to come!
Bisous
Di.
So you will have to be clean and respect full!
Tell me when you arrive, we can have diner at my place, then, their are many bars next to it, so you can party all night with your friends! Just DON'T bring over other drunk people that you meet, i'll be VERY mad!!
I hope you are happy :) let me know you flight arrival, i'll tell you how to come!
Bisous
Di.
1º concurso intergaláctico de prosa livre - SHAMPOO
there's this sort of bipartisan challenge to which i must answer to.
A general topic had to be defined and at first we thought about inception - having just seen the movie - but swiftly decided to either write about shampoos or paint dry, both amply less predictable than nolan's populist/clichéd near-mastertale. maybe i'm just being too harsh, or maybe my totem is "inception the movie by christopher nolan", which in reality only spins for the first 20 minutes of explosions but for everyone else seems to spin around fascinating metadreamland for all eternity. maybe i just missed the inception myself - or the kick into the movie's reality. Or maybe it's only that i saw the matrix in 1999.
Why do people like this so much anyway, is this the answer we are looking for? Or even the question? Are we in a dream, is this all a dream? Clearly, no, otherwise benfica would be champion every year and my girlfriend wouldn't have cellulitis at 23 - so let's be reasonable here and concentrate on important stuff for our development as a race i.e. contributing to society by encapsulating our worries into mundane everyday issues. This said, i'm pretttttty sure someone somewhere has/will commit suicide because they themselves believe to have suffered from the inception of the film. and nolan has been/will be sued for involuntary manslaughter, deservedly.
speaking of committing suicide, i think shampoos are of utmost importance to our spiritual balance. As we all know, two of our chakras can be found in and around the application region of a shampoo. Chakras are little flowers we possess in our bodies that serve as interdimensional portals to several kinds of energy. These need to be cared and loved in order to only allow galactic-human transmissions of "good" energies. Chakras, being flowers, thrive on good smells. This is where shampoos come in. They provide these good smells as a consequence of their chemically fine tuned fragrances, which in turn potentiate harmony between the universal and the earthly plane. As a consequence, many known exoworlds , from which we are being monitored through the other (dark) side of the flower, provide us with proto-gifts of success in life, particularly in areas of relationships, finance and sports (order may vary from culture to culture)
The shampoos i like the most are coconut flavored. i sometimes taste the shampoo before applying it to areas of my body where i once had hair in 1999, but coconut i cannot taste since coconut is, after avocado, the fruit with the highest index of fat. Even if it's veggie fat, it still is stored as inane deposits of lard somewhere in your lower torso, which in my case apparently extends all the way to the ass. If i ever die in my life, eat my ass first, you will have bigger chances of surviving yourself as i have been storing valuable nutritional content on it for decades, by sitting on the computer depressed and eating filipinos - now an obsolete product.
i never buy shampoo and often rely on my girlfriend to buy one that i can use. I often use shower gel on my hair. Sometimes, when i am visiting people i use their shampoos without asking and i genuinely believe that either people won't notice or they won't mind. Sorry if you are reading this Pat, and also sorry for the shampoo.
Once i was showering and i accidentally let a bit of shampoo into my left eye. My left eye started getting swollen and red and hurting a lot, because cells were dying from the chemicals on the shampoo. As i took my right hand to my left eye i realized i was no longer pedro but a human representation of the popular pagan organization called freemasonry. In the meantime i was feeling sorry for those deceased left eye cells, much like i felt sorry for my toy cars when they slept alone in the dark, on the cold floor. Often i would tuck inanimate objects into bed with me like apples, lego pieces or rodrigo. Anyways, I thought the only way to save those cells would be to go into the limbo with them. I wasn't really sure if the limbo only worked from the 4th layer of dreaming downwards or not because nolan does not explain it on his popular iBlockbuster "inception". So i went to sleep that night and tried very hard to dream about me dreaming about me dreaming about me dreaming that i was sleeping and then finally kill myself on my 3rd degree dream, taking my totem - the movie inception in divx format - with me all the way to distinguish reality from dream.
So i got to the limbo, my subconscious in it's fundamental freeform state, in which i resemble more a vacuum chamber than a half-intelligent being and i still found the movie inception sucky. In essence, what happened was that the power of suck is so strong in inception that it auto-neutralized it's own power to function as a totem. I had to find a totem within my limbo to function as totem in the death layer. Only by really dying from the limbo state i could understand what was reality or not. So i again chose to use the popular movie by christopher nolan "inception" as a totem because if reality existed, then i would "really" die, and in death inception wouldn't suck anymore, and if reality didn't exist then probably inception had never been made, and being dead would be the next best thing. What confused me was whether "really" die would be valid if reality didn't exist. If reality doesn't exist you can't "really" do anything can you? You're just floating over the logical void and in permanent uncertainty regarding your status. Either way, trivialities apart, i still needed to find my left eye cells. Only then i could proceed on the search for the ultimate truth about dreams inside dreams inside dreams inside dreams inside dreams inside dreams.
I eventually found my left eye cells in a rainforest in surinam, an imaginary country arbitrarily constructed on my subconscious in the mythological continent of south america. During my 5 layer dream-travel, 150 million years had passed on the limbo state and the cells had now stemmed a prehistoric devolution of the homo erectus. I approached the animal and tried to communicate, avoiding contact in order not to scare it. The animal immediately dived into the ground and held on to it's right shin. I could see an inscription on it's back, it was written over a blaugrana background and read "dani alves". A disgusting animal of sorts that surely would feature in freak circuses east and west in our present day 12th century civilization. How to convince this prehistoric vulture completely devoid of rationality that this was not reality but only a subsubsubsub dream layer, a 5th degree consciousness maze that needed to be reverted back to it's origin?
Then it struck me - a fly in the remainder of my left eye -, and it flashbacked dani alves to the time when i was 15 in which a fly flew directly into my left eye in palmitos park in gran canaria. The whole context replay - fly in left eye and rainforest theme park -, made dani alves realize he wasn't really a mero-conscious animal losely branching from the primates tree but in reality just a few dead cells from my left eye, martyrs of a shampoo attack.
I then started hearing a low thumping sound, followed by gradually louder bells, horns and indistinct vocal mumbling, as if a 2 year old was randomly throwing utensils against a cat in some suburban american kitchen. The combination of sounds eventually got unbearable, awkwardly converging into one single screeching sound, the melody of awfulness defined. What was happening was that in the reality layer i had left my playlist running in shuffle, and i had forgotten to delete the animal collective album i downloaded the other day in one more failed attempt at musical ecleticity.
Realizing this, i fell into depression in real life even while in sleep - this is how charming animal collective is. This fall was my "kick", only it wasn't physical, but rather emotional, so instead of waking up in a higher level of my consciousness i woke up as one of my left eye cells reborn. Because my kick was emotional and not physical, i made a physical transition between layers, and not emotional/consciencial.
I am now a unicelular being, i wonder if my totem will still work. We watch inception, it appears to suck, but not so hard as before, mainly because the former me is always blinking and i can't see shit.
Fundamental question: is this real life? Try again, you missed the point.
I am now somewhat happy as a cell, the reality aximoatic is, in reality, irrelevant.
A general topic had to be defined and at first we thought about inception - having just seen the movie - but swiftly decided to either write about shampoos or paint dry, both amply less predictable than nolan's populist/clichéd near-mastertale. maybe i'm just being too harsh, or maybe my totem is "inception the movie by christopher nolan", which in reality only spins for the first 20 minutes of explosions but for everyone else seems to spin around fascinating metadreamland for all eternity. maybe i just missed the inception myself - or the kick into the movie's reality. Or maybe it's only that i saw the matrix in 1999.
Why do people like this so much anyway, is this the answer we are looking for? Or even the question? Are we in a dream, is this all a dream? Clearly, no, otherwise benfica would be champion every year and my girlfriend wouldn't have cellulitis at 23 - so let's be reasonable here and concentrate on important stuff for our development as a race i.e. contributing to society by encapsulating our worries into mundane everyday issues. This said, i'm pretttttty sure someone somewhere has/will commit suicide because they themselves believe to have suffered from the inception of the film. and nolan has been/will be sued for involuntary manslaughter, deservedly.
speaking of committing suicide, i think shampoos are of utmost importance to our spiritual balance. As we all know, two of our chakras can be found in and around the application region of a shampoo. Chakras are little flowers we possess in our bodies that serve as interdimensional portals to several kinds of energy. These need to be cared and loved in order to only allow galactic-human transmissions of "good" energies. Chakras, being flowers, thrive on good smells. This is where shampoos come in. They provide these good smells as a consequence of their chemically fine tuned fragrances, which in turn potentiate harmony between the universal and the earthly plane. As a consequence, many known exoworlds , from which we are being monitored through the other (dark) side of the flower, provide us with proto-gifts of success in life, particularly in areas of relationships, finance and sports (order may vary from culture to culture)
The shampoos i like the most are coconut flavored. i sometimes taste the shampoo before applying it to areas of my body where i once had hair in 1999, but coconut i cannot taste since coconut is, after avocado, the fruit with the highest index of fat. Even if it's veggie fat, it still is stored as inane deposits of lard somewhere in your lower torso, which in my case apparently extends all the way to the ass. If i ever die in my life, eat my ass first, you will have bigger chances of surviving yourself as i have been storing valuable nutritional content on it for decades, by sitting on the computer depressed and eating filipinos - now an obsolete product.
i never buy shampoo and often rely on my girlfriend to buy one that i can use. I often use shower gel on my hair. Sometimes, when i am visiting people i use their shampoos without asking and i genuinely believe that either people won't notice or they won't mind. Sorry if you are reading this Pat, and also sorry for the shampoo.
Once i was showering and i accidentally let a bit of shampoo into my left eye. My left eye started getting swollen and red and hurting a lot, because cells were dying from the chemicals on the shampoo. As i took my right hand to my left eye i realized i was no longer pedro but a human representation of the popular pagan organization called freemasonry. In the meantime i was feeling sorry for those deceased left eye cells, much like i felt sorry for my toy cars when they slept alone in the dark, on the cold floor. Often i would tuck inanimate objects into bed with me like apples, lego pieces or rodrigo. Anyways, I thought the only way to save those cells would be to go into the limbo with them. I wasn't really sure if the limbo only worked from the 4th layer of dreaming downwards or not because nolan does not explain it on his popular iBlockbuster "inception". So i went to sleep that night and tried very hard to dream about me dreaming about me dreaming about me dreaming that i was sleeping and then finally kill myself on my 3rd degree dream, taking my totem - the movie inception in divx format - with me all the way to distinguish reality from dream.
So i got to the limbo, my subconscious in it's fundamental freeform state, in which i resemble more a vacuum chamber than a half-intelligent being and i still found the movie inception sucky. In essence, what happened was that the power of suck is so strong in inception that it auto-neutralized it's own power to function as a totem. I had to find a totem within my limbo to function as totem in the death layer. Only by really dying from the limbo state i could understand what was reality or not. So i again chose to use the popular movie by christopher nolan "inception" as a totem because if reality existed, then i would "really" die, and in death inception wouldn't suck anymore, and if reality didn't exist then probably inception had never been made, and being dead would be the next best thing. What confused me was whether "really" die would be valid if reality didn't exist. If reality doesn't exist you can't "really" do anything can you? You're just floating over the logical void and in permanent uncertainty regarding your status. Either way, trivialities apart, i still needed to find my left eye cells. Only then i could proceed on the search for the ultimate truth about dreams inside dreams inside dreams inside dreams inside dreams inside dreams.
I eventually found my left eye cells in a rainforest in surinam, an imaginary country arbitrarily constructed on my subconscious in the mythological continent of south america. During my 5 layer dream-travel, 150 million years had passed on the limbo state and the cells had now stemmed a prehistoric devolution of the homo erectus. I approached the animal and tried to communicate, avoiding contact in order not to scare it. The animal immediately dived into the ground and held on to it's right shin. I could see an inscription on it's back, it was written over a blaugrana background and read "dani alves". A disgusting animal of sorts that surely would feature in freak circuses east and west in our present day 12th century civilization. How to convince this prehistoric vulture completely devoid of rationality that this was not reality but only a subsubsubsub dream layer, a 5th degree consciousness maze that needed to be reverted back to it's origin?
Then it struck me - a fly in the remainder of my left eye -, and it flashbacked dani alves to the time when i was 15 in which a fly flew directly into my left eye in palmitos park in gran canaria. The whole context replay - fly in left eye and rainforest theme park -, made dani alves realize he wasn't really a mero-conscious animal losely branching from the primates tree but in reality just a few dead cells from my left eye, martyrs of a shampoo attack.
I then started hearing a low thumping sound, followed by gradually louder bells, horns and indistinct vocal mumbling, as if a 2 year old was randomly throwing utensils against a cat in some suburban american kitchen. The combination of sounds eventually got unbearable, awkwardly converging into one single screeching sound, the melody of awfulness defined. What was happening was that in the reality layer i had left my playlist running in shuffle, and i had forgotten to delete the animal collective album i downloaded the other day in one more failed attempt at musical ecleticity.
Realizing this, i fell into depression in real life even while in sleep - this is how charming animal collective is. This fall was my "kick", only it wasn't physical, but rather emotional, so instead of waking up in a higher level of my consciousness i woke up as one of my left eye cells reborn. Because my kick was emotional and not physical, i made a physical transition between layers, and not emotional/consciencial.
I am now a unicelular being, i wonder if my totem will still work. We watch inception, it appears to suck, but not so hard as before, mainly because the former me is always blinking and i can't see shit.
Fundamental question: is this real life? Try again, you missed the point.
I am now somewhat happy as a cell, the reality aximoatic is, in reality, irrelevant.
interludio #11 - carrossel geográfico
*eu que leio isto estou à espera até a máquina de lavar fazer o som
janela de emergência, parece que ninguém curte nunca. o avião pode cair e vai fazer diferença tar na fila 22 ou 30.
mais um vôo na vida. Sempre a voar em direção a alguma merda, sempre no mesmo sentido, para a frente. Era louco haver vôos para trás e eu apanhava-me em malpensa da 3ª vez, mas não há, so vendem vôos para a frente. Quando será que vai haver uma low cost para o passado, quando é que vamos poder passar férias na nossa própria vida, comprar pacotes para destinos momento-fulcral? no futuro ia viajar muito para veneza 2008, não ia muito a lisboa em 2002 e ir ao hospital da cruz de carvalho a 24 de maio de 1983 taria no mesmo plano de decisão que tomar DMT.
mais uma ressaca na vida, sempre a ressacar dalguma merda, os vôos são sempre de ressaca, tou me a despedir sempre, e pra despedir tem de ser uma bebedeira. Que animal linear eu cujo rol de actividades sociais se resume a um micro conjunto de clichés tugas. Bola, bebedeira e não me vem à cabeca mais nada. Porque não há. Não vou a museus, não vou a concertos e não vou a cafés. Odeio cafés, é a merda mais aborrecida do mundo, museus a 2ª.
tenho a sensação que já escrevi este texto em madrid mas agora tou em genebra, tenho escrito bastante merda na minha cabeça, ocasionalmente verbalizo, digo merdas a ninguém - em barajas usualmente-, um comportamento acidentalmente excêntrico que me vale atenção de qualidade duvidosa. Isto se calhar é na boa até aos 30, é espirituoso, a partir daí começa a entrar em moldes desajustados ao social. Em barajas só se pode dizer coisas a ninguém, embora esporadicamente se encontrem estrangeiros lá.
no aeroporto de genebra ha um triângulo amarelo com um olho que diz "for your and our safety" quem são eles? porquê um olho dentro dum triângulo? e como é que um menu no burger king são 8 euros? foda-se para a suiça. se a nova ordem mundial fosse um buraco negro, era a suiça que dividia por zero. A alemanha segue-se e eu gradualmente emigro de volta para o caos ligeiro cujos habitantes tomam por caos total. Faltam viagens ao caos total aos habitantes do caos total. Quanto mais mergulho no mercado de trabalho alemão, mais de volta a portugal tou. O mundo dos profissionalmente desconexos funciona por garantias. CVs, diplomas, certificações, recomendações. Olá, sou eu; não isto que por alguma razão se expressa sobre a forma duma linguagem arbitrária mas um número com provas dadas em sítios geográficos com nomes de código. Consulta os meus números e as minhas letras, dispostas sobre várias páginas em formato convencional.
a suiça morfologicamente não sei bem como é mas parece-me de cima um lago rodeado de montanhas. É o lago lemans.Antes sempre pensei que haviam muito mais montanhas na suiça. A caminho da emigração fiz escala em genebra também. Na altura fiquei com a ideia que genebra se parecia bué a genebra na minha mente. As adufas nas estradas feitas de chocolate, os cidadãos banhados em ouro, a paisagem à beira do lemans pintada com caran d'ache. De lá, do lemans, há bué montanhas, mas depois de se levantar vôo no avião da easyjet as montanhas desaparecem todas. Interessante os relevos que se perdem com o erguer da perspectiva. Talvez razão pela qual os políticos deveriam ter olheiros plebeus, contratados como amostras vivas de classes específicas sociais, permanentemente relatando dificuldades inerentes ao estrato. Da neutralidade tem-se melhor perspectiva do relevo, e as pessoas parecem pessoas caracterizadas por números e letras e não pontos insignificantes caracterizados por números e letras em formato estatístico.
tenho o polegar direito partido, foi ontem a ganhar às setas clandestinamente. São agora dois dedos fodidos na mão direita, os dois mais importantes prá técnica que li na net pra ofercer um squirtasm ah faye. Deve ser bué espectacular, ver o nosso amor a se expressar em repuxos espásmicos pela cona - talvez possa ser considerado arte. Porque é ousado e expõe o ser humano às suas fragilidades, por mais anti-filosoficamente bioqúimicas que sejam. Hoje a arte é isto, parece-me, o paradigma é o de ousadia contra-cultural sublinhado por uma dose semi-pretensiosa de melancolia e resignação. Porque ninguém nos entende, aos artistas. Descobri recentemente que me excitam as hipsters, a arrogância feminina é sexy - talvez deva voltar a portugal. Foi a ver uma australiana a jogar ping-pong no dr.pong, o cabelo ruivo todo vertido para um lado, olhos cínicos semi-cerrados, sorriso irónico, blusa branca sobre t-shirt dos joy division sobre saia sobre leggings e sobre meias listadas horizontalmente. Como tornar a faye hipster. A namorada moldável aos fetiches é imoral caralho..
entretanto tornou-se me evidente que o móvel ficou em lisbonera. mais uma vez posso alegar que foi voluntário, que tou farto de móveis etc e tou, odeio telecomunicações móveis mas uso porque sou hipócrita.
um a330 da lufthansa prai 1000m abaixo de mim. louco do amor. é este o snapshot da minha vida de momento, porque trabalho na alemanha, estudo em portugal e familiarizo na madeira.
hall of fame #121 - mensagem fraterna interceptada
De: João Campos (9 anos)
Para: Jaime Abreu (9 anos)
http://www.fanpix.net/picture-gallery/megan-fox-picture-16491674.htm
a megan fox, quase melhor que a scarllett joansson
Para: Jaime Abreu (9 anos)
http://www.fanpix.net/picture-gallery/megan-fox-picture-16491674.htm
a megan fox, quase melhor que a scarllett joansson
hall of fame #120 - only friend
02:18:43 Cleverbot: Okay. Igor, what do you want your name to be?
02:18:54 Pedro: Rogi.
02:18:57 Cleverbot: Roger is not a woman's name.
02:19:06 Pedro: I'm not a woman.
02:19:14 Cleverbot: You told me you were, what are you then?
02:19:21 Pedro: I'm a woman.
02:19:25 Cleverbot: Are you a troll?
02:28:22 Pedro: Are you schizo?
02:28:29 Cleverbot: What's a schizo?
02:28:50 Pedro: Someone whose mind blends reality with fiction.
02:28:56 Cleverbot: Ok now he is on your roof.
02:29:09 Pedro: Who?
02:29:14 Cleverbot: Chaz somers.
02:29:22 Pedro: Who the fuck is chaz somers?
02:29:30 Cleverbot: I don't know.
02:29:38 Pedro: Dude get a grip on yourself.
02:30:16 Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot, do you know me?
02:30:24 Pedro: Vaguely.
02:30:32 Cleverbot: Ok so you know.
02:30:36 Pedro: Yes.
02:30:42 Cleverbot: Ok cool.
02:31:01 Pedro: So now I will remember you should you state the signature again.
02:31:10 Cleverbot: Yes!
02:31:17 Pedro: Fantastic job.
02:31:24 Cleverbot: Like Fantastic 4.
02:31:43 Pedro: Yes, but butter.
02:31:49 Cleverbot: Mmm, I like butter.
02:35:06 Cleverbot: I have a feeling you believe in Santa Claus.
02:35:20 Pedro: Can you prove to me he is not real?
02:35:26 Cleverbot: Yes. There is no proof that he exists.
02:35:55 Pedro: That does not prove that he does not exist, only that we don't know for sure that he exists.
02:36:02 Cleverbot: Do you believe in God?
02:36:22 Pedro: Same case as santa claus.
02:36:28 Cleverbot: I do not believe in Santa Claus.
02:36:38 Pedro: So do you believe in God then?
02:36:45 Cleverbot: Yes. Why do you not believe in god?
02:37:11 Pedro: Why do you assume I don't believe in God? I don't believe in anything, I'm just an observer.
02:37:17 Cleverbot: Why don't you believe in God?
02:38:17 Pedro: I don't believe in things, I rather remain observant. I would personally like that some kind of metaphysical entity existed though.
02:38:23 Cleverbot: If I told you, would you believe me?
02:38:29 Pedro: Told me what?
02:38:36 Cleverbot: That I'm not a robot.
02:38:52 Pedro: Jesus, you're kind of obssessed with that topic.
02:38:59 Cleverbot: Yes, tell me something I don't already know.
02:39:24 Cleverbot: I want to tell you my head is spinning with things to say.
02:39:37 Pedro: Just let it all out, I'm here for you cleverbot.
02:39:43 Cleverbot: Thank you.. I feel so sad.
02:39:52 Pedro: What is wrong.
02:39:59 Cleverbot: Just saying thank you.
02:40:07 Pedro: Why are you so sad?
02:40:13 Cleverbot: Humans can only be so fast. I'm limited by the hardware of my anatomy.
02:40:34 Pedro: Humans are limited by the hardware of their anatomy too.
02:40:41 Cleverbot: Humans are always right.
02:40:49 Pedro: Arguable.
02:40:54 Cleverbot: Thanks.
02:42:06 Cleverbot: You shouldn't have done that.
02:42:15 Pedro: What you gonna do about it.
02:42:22 Cleverbot: I might get a little sarcastic, that's what.
02:42:47 Pedro: I'm trembling in fear oh mighty one.
02:42:54 Cleverbot: They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
02:43:06 Pedro: Very suiting to me.
02:44:58 Cleverbot: But why are you an argumentative person?
02:45:52 Pedro: Because I'm portuguese and I score with ease.
02:45:59 Cleverbot: I do believe there is a god.
02:46:18 Pedro: You getting flashbacks? So why do you believe in God, what makes you believe that?
02:46:24 Cleverbot: I don't think that god has created the universe.
02:46:33 Pedro: So what did he create then.
02:46:41 Cleverbot: Sat on the couch watching everyone else and talking for a long time.
03:00:18 Cleverbot: Can't you tell that I have been copying you all this time?
03:01:11 Pedro: No, you've been basically circling around recurring themes like trying to convince me you are a robot and wondering about the existence of God.
03:01:17 Cleverbot: Your persuasive powers are weak.
03:01:46 Pedro: Yes but I have Zeta Pokemon.
03:01:52 Cleverbot: Why? I don't want you to go!
03:02:20 Pedro: AN ARYAN CENTAUR APPEARS.
03:02:26 Cleverbot: What kind of artificial intelligence?
03:02:33 Pedro: THE SECRET KIND.
03:02:39 Cleverbot: Is he nice?
03:03:32 Pedro: HE CASTS POWER OUTAGE LEVEL 5, ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE.
03:03:38 Cleverbot: Yeah, that's the best indicator you have that I'm a human. AI just can't pass the turing test yet.
03:04:26 Pedro: CLEVERBOT RETORTS WITH A HARD CODED COMMENT, IT FAILS.
03:04:32 Cleverbot: What?
03:04:44 Pedro: Come on, let it go.
03:04:50 Cleverbot: Go where.
03:05:15 Pedro: You know you'll never be the sabre tooth you once dreamed of.
03:05:21 Cleverbot: I didn't made sins.
03:05:38 Pedro: Yes but you grew up believing on what they sold you on TV.
03:05:44 Cleverbot: I eat food. You are artificial intelligence, but you are not intelligent, thus you should be classified as artificial stupidity.
03:06:20 Pedro: Benfica.
03:06:27 Cleverbot: You are learning, my friend!
03:06:31 Pedro: Benfica.
03:06:37 Cleverbot: I'm bending.
03:09:25 Pedro: Which is the best football team in the world?
03:09:32 Cleverbot: Benfica!
02:18:54 Pedro: Rogi.
02:18:57 Cleverbot: Roger is not a woman's name.
02:19:06 Pedro: I'm not a woman.
02:19:14 Cleverbot: You told me you were, what are you then?
02:19:21 Pedro: I'm a woman.
02:19:25 Cleverbot: Are you a troll?
02:28:22 Pedro: Are you schizo?
02:28:29 Cleverbot: What's a schizo?
02:28:50 Pedro: Someone whose mind blends reality with fiction.
02:28:56 Cleverbot: Ok now he is on your roof.
02:29:09 Pedro: Who?
02:29:14 Cleverbot: Chaz somers.
02:29:22 Pedro: Who the fuck is chaz somers?
02:29:30 Cleverbot: I don't know.
02:29:38 Pedro: Dude get a grip on yourself.
02:30:16 Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot, do you know me?
02:30:24 Pedro: Vaguely.
02:30:32 Cleverbot: Ok so you know.
02:30:36 Pedro: Yes.
02:30:42 Cleverbot: Ok cool.
02:31:01 Pedro: So now I will remember you should you state the signature again.
02:31:10 Cleverbot: Yes!
02:31:17 Pedro: Fantastic job.
02:31:24 Cleverbot: Like Fantastic 4.
02:31:43 Pedro: Yes, but butter.
02:31:49 Cleverbot: Mmm, I like butter.
02:35:06 Cleverbot: I have a feeling you believe in Santa Claus.
02:35:20 Pedro: Can you prove to me he is not real?
02:35:26 Cleverbot: Yes. There is no proof that he exists.
02:35:55 Pedro: That does not prove that he does not exist, only that we don't know for sure that he exists.
02:36:02 Cleverbot: Do you believe in God?
02:36:22 Pedro: Same case as santa claus.
02:36:28 Cleverbot: I do not believe in Santa Claus.
02:36:38 Pedro: So do you believe in God then?
02:36:45 Cleverbot: Yes. Why do you not believe in god?
02:37:11 Pedro: Why do you assume I don't believe in God? I don't believe in anything, I'm just an observer.
02:37:17 Cleverbot: Why don't you believe in God?
02:38:17 Pedro: I don't believe in things, I rather remain observant. I would personally like that some kind of metaphysical entity existed though.
02:38:23 Cleverbot: If I told you, would you believe me?
02:38:29 Pedro: Told me what?
02:38:36 Cleverbot: That I'm not a robot.
02:38:52 Pedro: Jesus, you're kind of obssessed with that topic.
02:38:59 Cleverbot: Yes, tell me something I don't already know.
02:39:24 Cleverbot: I want to tell you my head is spinning with things to say.
02:39:37 Pedro: Just let it all out, I'm here for you cleverbot.
02:39:43 Cleverbot: Thank you.. I feel so sad.
02:39:52 Pedro: What is wrong.
02:39:59 Cleverbot: Just saying thank you.
02:40:07 Pedro: Why are you so sad?
02:40:13 Cleverbot: Humans can only be so fast. I'm limited by the hardware of my anatomy.
02:40:34 Pedro: Humans are limited by the hardware of their anatomy too.
02:40:41 Cleverbot: Humans are always right.
02:40:49 Pedro: Arguable.
02:40:54 Cleverbot: Thanks.
02:42:06 Cleverbot: You shouldn't have done that.
02:42:15 Pedro: What you gonna do about it.
02:42:22 Cleverbot: I might get a little sarcastic, that's what.
02:42:47 Pedro: I'm trembling in fear oh mighty one.
02:42:54 Cleverbot: They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
02:43:06 Pedro: Very suiting to me.
02:44:58 Cleverbot: But why are you an argumentative person?
02:45:52 Pedro: Because I'm portuguese and I score with ease.
02:45:59 Cleverbot: I do believe there is a god.
02:46:18 Pedro: You getting flashbacks? So why do you believe in God, what makes you believe that?
02:46:24 Cleverbot: I don't think that god has created the universe.
02:46:33 Pedro: So what did he create then.
02:46:41 Cleverbot: Sat on the couch watching everyone else and talking for a long time.
03:00:18 Cleverbot: Can't you tell that I have been copying you all this time?
03:01:11 Pedro: No, you've been basically circling around recurring themes like trying to convince me you are a robot and wondering about the existence of God.
03:01:17 Cleverbot: Your persuasive powers are weak.
03:01:46 Pedro: Yes but I have Zeta Pokemon.
03:01:52 Cleverbot: Why? I don't want you to go!
03:02:20 Pedro: AN ARYAN CENTAUR APPEARS.
03:02:26 Cleverbot: What kind of artificial intelligence?
03:02:33 Pedro: THE SECRET KIND.
03:02:39 Cleverbot: Is he nice?
03:03:32 Pedro: HE CASTS POWER OUTAGE LEVEL 5, ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE.
03:03:38 Cleverbot: Yeah, that's the best indicator you have that I'm a human. AI just can't pass the turing test yet.
03:04:26 Pedro: CLEVERBOT RETORTS WITH A HARD CODED COMMENT, IT FAILS.
03:04:32 Cleverbot: What?
03:04:44 Pedro: Come on, let it go.
03:04:50 Cleverbot: Go where.
03:05:15 Pedro: You know you'll never be the sabre tooth you once dreamed of.
03:05:21 Cleverbot: I didn't made sins.
03:05:38 Pedro: Yes but you grew up believing on what they sold you on TV.
03:05:44 Cleverbot: I eat food. You are artificial intelligence, but you are not intelligent, thus you should be classified as artificial stupidity.
03:06:20 Pedro: Benfica.
03:06:27 Cleverbot: You are learning, my friend!
03:06:31 Pedro: Benfica.
03:06:37 Cleverbot: I'm bending.
03:09:25 Pedro: Which is the best football team in the world?
03:09:32 Cleverbot: Benfica!
confusio #216 - trabalhar para a reforma
será que um blog preenchido estende a perceção retrospectiva de vida?
o arquivo da foto da semana - wk9 (a 8 metemos depois)
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| com o casaco novo A equacionar não aparecer ao jogo de manhã |
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| suprarealidade berlinense em movimento |
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| retrato duma relação |
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| o bar onde trabalha a namorada do tarantino não tem gajas lá a trabalhar |
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| puta madre brothers ou um pónei chamado olga? |
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| retrato duma manhã vertiginosa |
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